Deep.

I don't know who reads my blog aside from Sara and Rachel. They are the only 2 who leave comments, so I know they follow along with my usually mundane life. I try not to post anything too personal for fear someone may find a chink in my armor. Someone may discover I'm not always at the top of my game, I have needs and feelings that are never worn on my sleeve.
I have some amazing friends and 2 sisters that are always there if I find the need to share my innermost sentiments. My problem is I rarely do, which brings me to this post.

About 2 weeks ago, I made an appointment for a massage. With working out, catering and all the other little things my body has been through I felt like I was due. I have not had a massage since Donna gave me one for my birthday in August, and that was given by a women in her 7th month of pregnancy. Enough said.
I am a true believer that massage not only relaxes and rejuvenates, but also moves your inner chi and balances chakras. I was going for a nice deep tissue, and David always uses stones. Aaahh!! I never consider massages sexual, but they are definitely sensual. While on the table I was reminded how much I miss being touched. At one point when David was stretching my arm our fingers were interlaced so he could pull just so, my eyes filled with tears. Luckily I was face down. It's been close to a year since my last relationship. I really have not been anxious to get back out there. Now I find myself making up excuses. I didn't really want to go through the holidays with someone new, now I don't want to get involved before my trip to Asia. It's not really the sex I miss, it's the closeness. The hugs and holding, the reading in bed together, the coffee in the morning and the laughing. I have processed all these feeling for nearly 11 months and I know that I am worthy of someones love, I just need to kiss a few more frogs. Until then, I am scheduling my massages alot closer together.